Articles

Vagus baby! Building your relax & connect response

I just did a Google search for “vagus baby” and it offered me 558,000 results for the alternative search “vegas baby” instead. “Vegas baby! Vegas!” is a line from the 90s movie “Swingers.” (Ignore this spoiler if you intend to watch “Swingers” – swing dancing is fun, and it takes a while to get over your ex…).

Google does however […]

 

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ARTICLE: Political Division within Your Family – What you can do to close the divide, while maintaining your integrity

(This article is an edited version of the article “Battleground Family Thanksgiving – What you can do to close the divide, while maintaining your integrity” written shortly after the 2016 U.S. presidential election.)

There are families where the subjects of politics and religion were declared off-limits years ago. If yours is not one of those […]

 

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ARTICLE: W.A.I.T before you speak or hit “Send”

It can be tricky to give examples of “effective workplace communication.” We know that you can speak or send words to a co-worker, or group of co-workers, that lead to disconnection, conflict, diminished trust, and reduced workplace productivity and harmony. This can happen immediately or gradually over time with enough repetition. However, it’s not always […]

 

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ARTICLE: Envy and jealousy

Let’s talk about envy and jealousy…

One definition of the difference is that envy happens when you wish you had something that someone else has, while jealousy is fear that something you have is being taken away by someone else. They can often occur together though, or be one big indistinguishable emotional soup.  And, for […]

 

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ARTICLE: Asking for what you want means being able to hear “No.” Here’s how I became more comfortable with that…

If you ask for things in life there’s a risk that you’ll hear “No.” If you ask someone out on a date, if you apply for a job, if you apply for a place in an apartment, or ask for a pay rise, there’s a risk that the other person will say “No.” And there […]

 

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ARTICLE: Investigating “You’re too needy”

Sometimes people talk about their “needs” when referring to what would be most enjoyable or least painful for them. The word “need” can have a certain connotation. Some would say that a “need” is a necessity for staying alive, like soil, water, and sunlight for most plants. However, in common usage the word “need” is […]

 

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ARTICLE: Fear of Empathy

Picture this… You’re talking with someone, things are tense, the other person starts saying things about you that you don’t agree with, perhaps things that bring up pain, defensiveness, or anger. Perhaps you’ve attended the Communication Dojo, or learned about empathy and other communication skills elsewhere, so theoretically you know that really hearing the other […]

 

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ARTICLE: Connection First

I give the name “Connected Communication” to the kind of communication I teach and attempt to use in my own life. The work is based on Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s “Nonviolent Communication (NVC),” which is often called “Compassionate Communication” – but I prefer to call it and think of it as “Connected Communication.” This name reminds […]

 

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ARTICLE: I don’t want to connect!

If you’re reading this you are probably interested in how you can change some relationship or other so that it’s more enjoyable, or less painful. Relationships are about communication; so learning different ways to communicate seems like a potentially useful place to put your attention, right? Then you read an article like Connection First and it tells […]

 

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Connected Conversation Process – written directions and videos

When using the Connected Conversation Process the main intention is to establish and maintain

CONNECTION!!

and also to aim for both:

AUTHENTICITY & KINDNESS

These intentions are more central and important than trying to do the process “right,” avoiding doing it “wrong” etc.

Connected Conversation Process directions document

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